Thursday, March 14, 2013

Weight and Self-Esteem

Weight has always been an issue from me. Even before I got sick, I was always insecure about showing any skin. I knew that people were looking at me and judging how I looked. When I first got sick, I lost 60 lbs and everyone was telling me that I looked amazing. I weighted under what I should. I was actually happy about this, but looking back, I looked sick. What I mostly lost was muscle from not eating and also the removal of damaged tissue and my bones stuck out.
Shortly afterward, I began to gain weight from a sedentary lifestyle and large doses of predisnone. My weight went up by a lot, like I am ashamed to admit how bad it got, more than double of my original pre-illness weight. I hated how I looked so much that I wouldn't let people take full body pictures of me. I never told anyone how psychologically messed up I was.  I stopped getting ready, because I didn't see a possibility of beautiful. It wasn't until I started walking in April of 2010 that this changed and almost three years later, I am still working on a healthy self-esteem.
Anyways, the reason for this is before my absence, I was keeping you updated to how much weight I have lost. I am now at 90 total, which is amazing. Instead of numbers, I am focusing on small goals in both my diet and exercise. I am also keeping a list that I update daily on one positive affirmation about myself that I can't repeat until next month. 
Some books that I think dealt with weight issues that I really enjoyed are Fat Cat by Robin Brande, Looks by Madeleine George, Food, Girls, and Other Things I Can't Have by Allen Zandoff, Wintergirls by Laurie Halse Anderson, and Keeping the Moon by Sarah Dessen. Most recently, Park & Eleanor by Rainbow Rowell There are many more, but I can't think of them at this moment. Anyways, it is a work in progress and I am trying to become more happy about who I am.  If you have any suggestions on books that deal with weight or self esteem, leave them below. 

1 comment:

  1. I also struggle with weight issues. I'm so sorry for what you went through, but that's awesome that you've been walking! I'm going to take the recommendations you've given and try and get to them ASAP :)


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