Tuesday, April 15, 2014

A Reflection on Reading and Coping

I have been open about the fact that I have been struggling with being sick, since before this blog was ever created. Part of the reason that I started this blog is that I needed not only an outlet talk to, but I had to transition from being whole to being cracked with an illness that was out of my control. Since I woke up in the most intense pain of my life, it has been over seven year and I can't remember what it was like to be pain free or healthy.
Reading helped me a lot, because I made decisions at sixteen that some people will never have to make. It made the darkness that cloaked me into a tiny ethereal aspect of my life. The reason that this post if being written is the If I Stay trailer came out and I can remember that time that I picked up that book. I was so afraid. I dropped out of high school in October 2008, because my migraines and pain were too much. Most of my body was stressed, which caused more pain to come. I was also starting the year long process of Physical Therapy to learn how to walk again.
I remember begging my mom to take me to Barnes and Noble to get Willow and If I Stay and both were not there. Luckily we went to the Liberty Bay Books and they had it. I devoured it in one sitting and Mia's pain took me away from the reality that I was facing. It allowed me to think about how I was isolating myself, because of the pain that I thought that I earned for not being a better person. Books have a power to bring me back to the moment of reading on the old fake leather couch that my mom gave away ages ago. I remember the tears as I turned the pages and how I slowly fell in love with Adam from Mia's point of view.
Now I don't think about the pain, but the words that I read and the places that they took me. Reading still helps me cope, even though the pain has become more of a dull reminder that I'm imperfect and I don't always feel as strong physically as I am mentally, but I am. This is just a long post to remind me that books stick with me and so that I can post the trailer.

Let me know what you think of the trailer in the comments, if you can type through the tears.


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